🌺What Matters Most🌺

It’s this love... this love that I see everywhere, all around me. Love, morphing into shapes and curves I cannot name. It’s the kind of love that doesn’t stand between me and anyone else but between me and the universe itself. 

And suddenly, I find myself bitterly at peace with the idea not meaning anything to you.  

But I cannot say the same for the thought of not mattering to myself.  

For love is a concept so delicate, so elusive, that if I cannot cradle it in your arms, I must learn to fondle it in my own. Indeed, this love we seldom see for ourselves matters the most— this love that loves hiding behind the ears, not to be seen in the mirror. That sometimes we forget – to love ourselves. 

It matters not what others think, but severely, and gravely, it matters how I see myself.  

Even beauty is abstract in the eyes of those who cannot find it within. Even beauty is undefinable and unrecognizable to those of us who have become strangers to our own souls.  

I say I’m returning home, home to myself, hoping I won’t be a stranger knocking on the doors of my own heart. And I think I’ll no longer welcome those who once made me feel like an outsider. 

It’s tragic, I know, that I lose sight of who I am when I look into your eyes. Have I ever truly known myself? Have you ever known me? Does the thought of knowing me terrify you? And why do you look at me like someone else entirely? 

I know there was a time I dared to say words that shouldn’t have left my lips, that were unbeknownst and only partly true to my heart. A concept of how bleak a life without you would seem. I didn’t know, I didn’t know that you were just a stranger and that’s all you were ever going to be... and it’s okay...🌺